I drink too much just to be a little more numb.
“It’s unhealthy”, well I don’t care you know.
In this tiny period of time in which I let the wheel spin freely and uncontrolled.
Just so I can pretend that afterward, I have everything under control.
Let me pretend.
You may burst my bubble but just so you know I will fall even deeper in the end.
I hate to smoke but it’s the only thing I look forward to after nine hours of dealing with idiots.
Trust me I wanna scream.
Believe me when I say that there is so much hate inside of me.
It’s like walking the rope between having my shit together and destroying everything, that was crafted in “better days”.
I’m just so fucking tired of pretending.
Pretending that everything is fine;
that I have it all figured out.
Tired of keeping up with this false picture of myself, that everybody thinks I am.
Tired of living in this broken system of a wheel, nobody is able to break out.
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