The day that came to an end had held nothing special for me, except for that very moment. I was on my way home from work. The energy drowning with each step I took farther away from the building and tiredness taking over. This magical feeling of motivation always left me on my way home and I got used to it. Used to feeling drowned after a successful day at work. A habit that made its way into my life over the past few years was, the more I felt drowned, the more I enjoy the commute home. Looking at people, as tired as I am. Observing their behavior and looking into their faces. Each face holding its own story, its own burden. The feeling of excitement while I was entering the train never left me, not even after all those years. The excitement of being with people, because nobody would know, whom I might encounter that day or any other day.
Exhausted I was looking for a seat in the metro, hard to find one at this time of the day, I thought to myself, not getting used to the shortage of seats during the rush hour. Until I finally found one. Surprised that nobody was sitting there and full of the sweet feeling of victory I sat down. The hard plastic seat felt like the softest cushion in the world at that moment. I closed my eyes. Taking in that false feeling or where my eyes just calling for my even softer bed at home? Slowly I opened my eyes to the harsh reality of a cramped metro during rush hour. Though I noticed someone smiling at me. He probably smiled because never had he seen such a tired person leaving work and taking themselves a moment on their way home, I thought. But he continued to look at me. As the rather shy person that I am, I looked away, and I felt the sweat making my hands soft and wet. Was this the encounter I looked forward to? At that moment not even the smartest person in the world could have answered that, probably not even fortune herself. Nobody. Luckily my home was not far from work, five stops until I had to leave the metro again – two already passed. One while I was looking for a free seat and the second on while I closed my eyes.
I didn’t know what came over me at that moment but I dared to look at this person sitting opposite to me. He looked out of the window too but noticed that I looked at him and faster than I could think I tore apart our eye-contact, it felt like time was still. The doors were halfway closed as we were just about to leave the third stop. I didn’t know until that moment that you could have such intimacy with a stranger. I know now. The usual insecurity of strangers dissolved into the crowded air of the metro, because I was so settled at that moment. I’ve never felt more safe and secure ever before. With the doors still halfway closed I finally noticed his beautiful green eyes. Those eyes were so kind, so warm and so welcoming. I looked down at his lips and he smiled – to my surprise, breaking the everlasting stereotype of grumpy people in the city. He smiled with one side and I sank even deeper into the hard plastic seat.
I never understood how people could get lost in eyes but I do now, from that moment on, there weren’t eyes that could’ve held me captive like his. Naturally, I began to look down on what he was wearing. A jacket with a hoodie underneath, with blue jeans and sneakers. Somehow I knew that he planned to wear this today. It was that typical “look like you’ve just chosen that this morning, though you already knew you were going to wear this today for a week”-look. The doors were still halfway closed as I looked back up at him again. He must have looked at me the same way as I looked at him. Quickly I checked what I was wearing or if there are any stains or things that shouldn’t be there.
The insecurities started to rise again as the magic of his eyes wore off, though his glance lost nothing of its intensity. Somehow the right half of my mouth was moving up and forming a decent smile too. It seemed that the metro didn’t move because the doors were still halfway closed. I blushed. I looked down as soon as I was able. Ashamed, that he’d know. Ashamed, that he’d know, how stupid I was to fall in love with a guy I meet five seconds ago. Ashamed of that fact the he probably isn’t even into guys or ashamed of the universe for putting me in this hopeless position of a random encounter. Unfortunately or luckily the captivating magic of his eyes vanished. And there was finally space in my head again to let the outside noise in, in particular the robotic voice of the lady telling the metro-stations. Within seconds the doors, which seemed not to close, closed and the time that stood still began to flow again.
Free of his magic I looked outside the window and saw that this was the station where I should’ve gotten off the train. Panic broke out. Desperately I looked at him again but he wasn’t there. Recognizing his jacket as he used the escalator upwards leaving the station, though I didn’t make it. Traumatized I sat there, the harsh plastic seat made its way into my consciousness already, and I waited to get off the metro to the next station. I wouldn’t wait for the next one to go back. I’ll just walk – it’s not that long, I said to myself.
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